you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
