you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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