I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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