We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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