Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
