just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
