Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
