I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
