I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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