Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
