we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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