About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
