i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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