Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
