I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
