as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
