At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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