i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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