she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
