i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
