i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
