Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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