I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
soo... how was my night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
