I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
