You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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