she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
