My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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