You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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