When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
