I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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