Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
