LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
