It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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