you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
