he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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