Dual....:-)
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
