Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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