so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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