TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
