we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
two words...techno handjob
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
