Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
