plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
a search helicopter?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
