i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
