i wish starbucks made bloody marys
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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