We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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