Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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