I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
