so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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