He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
