just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
