he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
