please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
