He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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