good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
