we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
