Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
