i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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