Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
