i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
