Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
