Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
