i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found a bag of teeth...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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