Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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