Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
