why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
